


Read All About It

by ihadthisdream0nce



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihadthisdream0nce/pseuds/ihadthisdream0nce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you have all that you could possibly want, but the one thing you need is unattainable, unfathomable even?</p><p>Songfic - Read All About It Pt. III - Emeli Sande</p>
            </blockquote>





	Read All About It

I.   
  
  


"Will you guys please calm down?" Paul sighed, watching as the boys of One Direction pulsed with energy.

 

"NEVER!" Niall squealed, hopping up from where he was sitting on the asphalt and jumping onto Paul's broad back.

 

"Niall, get off of Paul." Liam admonished playfully, mirth evident in his tone as he slow-danced around the empty New York parking lot with Zayn.

 

As Paul's attention was focused on the three teenaged band members who were acting like chimpanzees, he failed to notice the two, more subdued boys who walked languidly towards their rented form of transportation.

 

"That was," Harry sighed, at a loss for words on how to describe their airtime on SNL. "absolutely breathtaking."

 

Louis nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I'm so glad that management let us do this. It was such a big change from iCarly. Just what we needed, some time to goof off and act like ourselves again." His gaze shifted from Harry's mop of brown curls to where Paul was struggling to control Zayn, Liam, and Niall. He laughed dryly as he watched his friends wreak havoc on their lovely bodyguard.

 

"I wish I could feel like this forever." Harry whispered, his words barely audible.

 

"Like what, Haz?" The Doncaster boy was confused. They'd been running themselves ragged for the last few months. Between touring, appearing on TV shows, SNL, and all of their American signings and interviews, the boys had barely had any time together, let alone time to just relax.

 

"Lou, I feel so free, so liberated. While we were on SNL, we could act just like we normally do off camera. We were allowed to act our age, be silly teenage boys. I want the fans to know me as someone who is a real person, not just someone who puts on a mask for the cameras." The green eyed boy sighed deeply, running a hand through his luscious curls and tugging at them desperately. Louis could tell he was extremely frustrated, so he decided to stay quiet and wait for him to finish. "I don't want to hide anymore, Louis. I'm tired of the secrets. They're destroying us."

 

Louis is about to reply, he's seconds away from gathering Harry's exhausted body in his arms and whispering sweet words of comfort in his ear, telling him that it'll all be okay someday and that they'll come out when the time is right. Unfortunately, things never go as planned, and the older boy was cut off abruptly by the sound of Niall's maniacal laughter growing closer.

 

"Come on, boys. Let's get you lot back to the hotel." Paul said, picking Zayn up from where he lay on the ground and placing him in the van. The rest of the boys complied with ease, although a little upset their fun was put to a temporary end.

 

"Where're we going to celebrate, mates?" Niall piped up as Paul pulled the vehicle out of the parking lot and into the late hour traffic of New York. The lights shone brightly against the dark sky, blurred artistically as they sped past the cityscape.

 

"Club." Harry and Zayn replied simultaneously, high fiving each other when they realized they had the same idea in mind.

 

"I was thinking the same thing. And you, Daddy Direction?" Niall teased, playful mood infectious at such a late hour.

 

"My Dad is in town, you dolt. I'm probably just going to go and have a late dinner slash early breakfast with him.  
 

"Lou?" Harry asked, looking towards the boy who had been silent for the majority of the conversation.

 

"Hmm?" The older boy piped up, snapping out of whatever daze he had been trapped in. "What?"

 

"Would you like to come clubbing with Zayn, Niall and I, or would you rather chill in the hotel with Liam?" Harry scooted closer to Louis, dipping his head close to the blue eyed boy's ear so that only he could hear. "I'm going to ditch them and go out. I'd really like you to come with me. We can be ourselves." He whispered furtively, a mischievous grin breaking out on his dimpled face.

 

"No." Louis answered aloud, shooting an angry glare at Harry. "That's got to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard, Harry. We could be caught, what then?" The Doncaster lad knew exactly where Harry planned on going, and he wanted no part of it. He may be gay, but he wasn't going to publicly out himself by following his boyfriend on a whim when he wanted to traipse around New York City and visit gay bars.

 

"What do you mean, what then? We'd be out." Harry argued, keeping his voice low so that the other boys couldn't pick up on their conversation. "We'd be free, Louis. Don't you understand what that means? No more hiding, we can be with each other for real."

 

"We are with each other for real,  Harry! Don't you see? What we have is perfect just the way it is, why do you feel the need to complicate it by making it public?" The blue eyed boy didn't feel comfortable letting the entire world know about who and what he liked in the bedroom, it wasn't any of their business.

 

"A few stolen kisses between interviews and shows, hurried hand jobs in the back of the van, and silently fucking in the bunks in the middle of the night and praying that the boys don't catch on is not a relationship, Louis. It’s a fucking secret. One that I'm not willing to keep anymore." Harry hissed, angry that Louis didn't see how much good they could do by coming out. "If we let everyone know about us, we'd become role models, Lou. We'd be a symbol, an example, that things do get better, that it's okay to be gay. We could help so many people that struggle with their identities, Louis. We could be the change, and you're so selfish that you won't even do that much." The younger boy was done, Louis could act like a coward all he wanted, but he wasn't going to let him ruin his night.

 

"Paul?" Harry spoke up from the back of the van, feeling Louis' glare burning into his skin as he turned away, unable to meet the ice cold stare.

 

"Yeah Harry?" The man responded, stopping at a stoplight and facing his charge.

 

"Can you let me out here? I feel like a bit of a walk. I'll be careful, I promise." The younger boy pleaded. Paul knew that he was one of the most responsible boys in the group, and that he wouldn't intentionally get himself into any trouble.

 

"Fine, but be back by three a.m. or I'm going to get a search party out looking for you, Harry." The bodyguard sighed, flipping the switch that would open the door to the vehicle. Harry climbed out, forcing himself to look at Louis before he closed the door and walked across the street and into the brisk New York night.

 

II.   
  
  
  


When Harry came home that morning, Louis refused to talk to him. The curly haired boy took it all in stride though, standing firm on his beliefs.

 

The week passed by, and soon everything was back to normal. Louis seemed to have forgiven his boyfriend, coming into the living room area of their suite where Harry sat reading the local paper one morning and wrapping his arms around the younger boy. They moved past it eventually, and all was well once more.

 

The day started out like any other when you were in the music industry. Harry rolled out of the king sized bed first, silencing the alarm and quietly exiting the room as not to awaken Louis as he slept peacefully. The Cheshire lad had scheduled a Skype conference with Simon that morning, but was hesitant to make Louis join him.

 

The older boy couldn't see how torn Harry was, just how desperate and confused and just plain tired of hiding he had become. He didn't want to do it anymore, no one deserved to be forced to hide who they were from the world. He knew that if he came out, he'd be able to make a difference. He wanted to make a difference, but it would be pointless if Louis wasn't by his side to fight beside him.

 

Pouring hot water over a tea bag, Harry walked over to the small settee and began to set up his laptop for the inevitable call. It was nearing the designated hour and he had yet to wake up Louis and explain to him what was about to happen. Once everything was ready, he took one last large sip of his tea and steeled his nerves to go and arouse the sleeping boy in the next room.

 

Quietly, he slipped into the bedroom and lay down next to Louis' sleeping form. Smiling at the relaxed expression on the older boy's face, Harry wrapped an arm around his torso and kissed his cheek softly, rousing him from his blissful sleep.

 

"Wake up, baby." Harry cooed, kissing Louis' now upturned lips as he watched him slowly become more lucid. "Simon wants to Skype with us, you should get up."

 

The Doncaster lad rolled over onto his back and groaned, mumbling something that sounded like "It's too fucking early." But Harry couldn't be sure.

 

"Come on, you don't want to keep Simon waiting, do you?" Harry prodded, getting up once more and taking the large, fluffy duvet cover with him. Louis cried out in protest.

 

"Fine! Jesus, Harry. I'll fucking get up, just stop stealing the damn covers!" The younger boy laughed, tossing the blanket back over Louis' writhing form and running childishly from the room.

 

"Come on, Lou. We don't want to be late." Harry said, sitting down in front of the laptop and pulling up a chat with Simon.

 

"I'm coming!" Louis replied, walking into the room while tugging on a fresh, or at least somewhat fresh, shirt and sitting next to Harry.

 

"Ready?" Harry asked, finger poised over the call button.

 

"Yeah, Love. Let's find out what the man wants." Lou laughed, obviously just thinking that this would be a regular chat. As the call rang, Harry's nerves were returning. He didn't like lying to Louis… but it was necessary. Simon would tell him that he was acting irrationally, and that coming out wouldn't hurt their reputation as a boy band at all, wouldn’t he?

 

"Hello, boys." The man's melodic voice floated through the speakers of Harry's laptop.

 

"Hey Simon." They replied in unison, smiling at one another.

 

"Now, why did you want to talk to me, it's rather early for you two, isn't it?" The electronic voice asked, counting the time difference.

 

"Umm.." Harry hesitated, not sure if he actually wanted to go through with his plan anymore. "Well.. We want to come out." The curly haired boy said quickly, praying that Louis didn’t hear and that Simon understood just how much he needed this. Unfortunately, this wasn’t in the cards.

 

"What?!" Louis hissed angrily, his low tone not being picked up by the built-in microphone. "We have never talked about this, Harry what the fuck are you doing?"

 

"Louis, don't be stupid now. You know what we could do for gay teens everywhere if we came out." The green eyed boy argued, forgetting for a moment that they were still in a conference call with Simon.

 

"Harry, no! I'm not coming out of the closet with you, not now, not ever." Louis all but screamed, catching Harry off guard. "I don't know where you get off on your pompous accusations of me being a coward, and you being the hero, but I'm not going to sit here and have you put me down just because I'm not ready. If this is how things are going to be, if this is how you're going to treat me, I'm done." Harry's eyes watered, but he was determined not to fall apart in front of Louis.

 

"Fine, you go your way, and I'll go mine. But don't come crawling back to me when you're stuck in a miserable dead-end relationship and I'm happy and doing things to better peoples' lives." The curly haired boy spoke softly, voice barely above a whisper. With that, Louis left the hotel room, slamming the door behind himself.

 

"Harry?" Simon's voice floated through the speakers, breaking Harry from his stunned stupor. "Did you two just…?" The older man trailed off, not wanting to say something to aggravate his young star.

 

"Yeah." The Cheshire lad replied, voice broken. "I still want to do this, Si. I want to be happy and I can't hide any longer."

 

"I know,  Harry. I'm sorry I didn't let you in the first place. Look at where its gotten you." Harry could hear Simon sigh discontentedly on the other end.

 

"How're we going to do this, then?" The boy pondered, tapping the coffee table with his fingers.

 

"Well, I suppose there's only one way to do it. I'll set you up an interview and you can spill it all." Simon spoke softly, but with confidence.

 

"Okay, well…" Harry sighed, he didn't want to leave the hotel today, but they had a list of things to do and places to go. "I should probably pack all of my stuff up and move it into Niall's room. It'd be better if Lou and I didn't sleep in the same room… since we have the king."

 

"Okay Harry, but don't let this come between you two. You're amazing friends." Simon instructed, signing off without a goodbye.

 

The green eyed boy didn't know what to do without Louis, but he assumed that all he could do was be the friend he was before they started going out. First, though, they both needed space. And if space was what Louis wanted, then Harry would pack his shit and leave for a while.

 

III.

 

Why did I just let him walk away? I shouldn't have been so selfish. I'm such a hypocrite, telling him that he was being selfish for not wanting to come out… and there I was, selfishly trying to push him out the closet door. I'm a terrible person, and because of it I've lost the best thing that's ever happened to me.

 

I shouldn't have let him walk away, I should've run after him and told him I loved him, that he didn't have to do anything he didn't feel comfortable with.

 

"Mr. Styles, you're on in five." One of the crewmen announced, jolting Harry from his thoughts.

 

"Okay, thanks." Harry replied, getting up from his seat backstage and walking towards the door he was supposed to enter from. His nerves were boiling, stomach churning uncomfortably. He was really about to do this.

 

He looked over to the director, who was standing right near the stage entrance, awaiting his signal. When Harry heard the host start her introduction, he psyched himself up. The curly haired boy knew what he had to do, but he felt so alone. He cast his gaze to his left, examining his empty hand, the empty space next to him where Louis should be standing.

 

It was at that moment when the director tapped his shoulder, urging him onto the stage, when he realized how much he had fucked everything up. He was cold, lonely, stupid. He needed Louis, and he couldn't even remember what possessed him to think that he could do anything without him.

 

"Our next guest is known for his curls and his penchant for older women. Please welcome one-half of the famous Larry Stylinson bromance, Harry Styles!"

 

____

 

Louis didn't know why he was torturing himself.

 

Yet, there he sat, crowded around the small hotel television with the rest of the boys, watching Harry's solo interview. The older boy had curled up at the foot of the bed, having wrapped himself in Harry's blanket, gaze locked on the screen. He wished he had the balls to do what Harry was about to do, say what he was about to say. Louis felt guilty. He had abandoned Harry when he should've been the supportive boyfriend, he should've been there holding Harry's hand as he walked across the stage.

 

"Our next guest is known for his curls and his penchant for older women. Please welcome one-half of the famous Larry Stylinson bromance, Harry Styles!" The host introduced him, and Harry emerged from backstage.

 

Louis' breath caught in his throat at how breathtaking the younger boy looked as he strutted across the hardwood floor of the set. He smiled as he shoot hands with the blonde woman, pulling her in for a large, seemingly intimate hug. Louis then noticed the bags under his eyes, the added paleness in his complexion, the deadness of his normally bright green eyes, his fake smile.

 

"Hello, Harry." Ellen smiled, gesturing for her guest to sit down in the chair provided for him.

 

"Morning." Harry smiled, earning a laugh from his host and the live audience. The blue eyed boy smirked bitterly, that was Harry. Always winning everyone over with a smile and a flash of those adorable dimples.

 

"So, your management tells me that you've something important to share with us today." Ellen prodded, getting straight to the point, and Louis knew that Simon had told her to keep the interview short, foregoing all of the build up and bullshit. Liam, Niall, and Zayn, who had stayed relatively quiet, began to murmur behind Louis. The older  boy guessed that they didn't know that management had set up the Ellen interview, and that's why Harry was appearing alone.

 

"Yeah, its wonderful to be here and all, but I've actually got something I need to tell everyone." Louis watched as Harry tensed, taking a deep breath. Louis' heart practically stopped as the curly haired boy exhaled, opening his mouth to begin to form the words that Louis knew he could never say.

 

"I'm gay." And there was nothing but silence.

 

______

 

"I'm gay." Harry spoke the words clearly, picturing that he was speaking to Louis, not millions of fans worldwide. He imagined that he was at home in their flat in London, curled up on the couch with the older boy wrapped in his arms. He imagined that it was the day they got together, the day that Harry pressed a hesitant kiss to Lou's lips and was completely overjoyed that his feelings were reciprocated.

 

A single clap from the audience pulled Harry from his memories and broke the deafening silence of the studio. Suddenly, one clap turned into two, then three, then seven, and soon, the entire audience was applauding for Harry. The green eyed boy looked over to his host, who was smiling affectionately at him with tears in her eyes. Covering her clip-on microphone so that her words would not be heard, she leaned in closer, whispering into Harry's ear.

 

"That took a lot of guts, Harry. I'm so proud of you." she spoke quietly before pulling away and addressing the audience. "Now folks, I know this is big news and to be honest, we're all quite shocked." Ellen looked at Harry again, who had relaxed into his seat now that his big news had been shared with the world. "Now Harry, we're all wondering: is there someone special that prompted you to do this? A boyfriend waiting for you back home in London?" Harry's happy demeanor slipped for a second, too quick to be noticed, but he covered it with a smile and acted like nothing had happened.

 

"No." The Cheshire boy answered, keeping his voice light to avoid thinking too hard about his recent heartbreak. "There was someone, who I'm still very much in love with, but we decided to part ways the day I decided to come on this show." He explained, stubbornly refusing to let his true emotions show. But no matter how hard he tried, everyone could see him breaking.

 

"Oh?" Ellen replied sympathetically, she knew from personal experience how hard it was to come out. "Its okay, dear. He'll come around."

 

"I hope so." Harry smiled forlornly, tears threatening to fall from his green eyes.

 

"So, what prompted you to come out?" The blonde host prompted, hoping to get her guest's mind off of his recent break up. With that, Harry launched into his monologue about becoming an example to teens everywhere, the very same one he had given to Louis.

_____

 

Louis couldn't hold in his emotions anymore. He didn't care that the boys could see him breaking down in front of the telly. He didn't care that they probably already knew that Harry was talking about him. It wasn't as if they were secretive.

 

As Harry continued to speak about how much he wanted to help others, to remind them that it was okay to come out and that things got better, his expression brightened significantly. As his speech gained momentum, his face lit up, his composure straightened, and his confidence built up so much that it was practically leaking from his pores. He was passionate about helping others, and it wasn't just the boys who sat in their hotel room who could see it, either.

 

Harry, at the tender age of eighteen, was speaking as if he was a sixty year old philosopher, wise beyond his years. He held the entire audience's attention, captivating them with his words. Louis wished he was as strong as Harry, as confident, as comfortable in his own skin so that someday he'd be able to come out as well. He hated to admit it, to say that Harry was right, but he didn't want to hide anymore. Sure, he was scared out of his mind, but if it meant being as happy as Harry seemed on the screen before him, he could suck it up.

 

"Well, I'm sorry for talking your ear off, Ellen. To make up for it, I'm going to do a little performance." Harry's velvety bedroom voice floated through the speakers, sending shivers down Louis' spine.

 

___

 

"Really? That’s absolutely wonderful, Harry. I'm so excited." Ellen laughed, touching Harry's knee in a friendly way. "Tell us, what're you going to sing?"

 

"Umm…." Harry hesitated, looking directly at the camera as if he knew that Louis and the boys were watching. "I'm going to sing Read All About It, by Emeli Sandé." Ellen smiled, gesturing to the microphone that had been set out for Harry at the beginning of the interview.

 

"Please, by all means. Sing for us!" She urged, clapping her hands in an excited manner.

 

The boys were in awe as they sat on the edge of their seats, watching Harry as he moved gracefully across the set towards the microphone. Without being prompted, the Cheshire lad took hold of the device and began to speak.

 

"Before I start, I want to dedicate this song to a very special person. You know who you are." The younger boy spoke softly, gazing directly into the camera.

 

_"You've got the words to change a nation_

_but you're biting your tongue_

_You've spent a life time stuck in silence_

_afraid you'll say something wrong_

_If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?_

_So come, on come on. Come on, come on_

_You've got a heart as loud as lightening_

_So why let your voice be tamed?_

_Baby we're a little different_

_there's no need to be ashamed_

_You've got the light to fight the shadows_

_so stop hiding it away_

_Come on, Come on_

_I wanna sing, I wanna shout_

_I wanna scream till the words dry out_

_so put it in all of the papers,_

_i'm not afraid_

_they can read all about it_

_read all about it_

_At night we're waking up the neighbours_

_while we sing away the blues_

_making sure that we remember yeah_

_cause we all matter too_

_if the truth has been forbidden_

_then we're breaking all the rules_

_so come on, come on_

_come on, come on,_

_lets get the tv and the radio_

_to play our tune again_

_its 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events"_

_there's no need to be afraid_

_I will sing with you my friend_

_Come on, come on_

_I wanna sing, I wanna shout_

_I wanna scream till the words dry out_

_so put it in all of the papers,_

_I'm not afraid, they can read all about it, read all about it_

_Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people_

_so when did we all get so fearful?_

_Now we're finally finding our voices_

_so take a chance, come help me sing this_

_Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people_

_so when did we all get so fearful?_

_and now we're finally finding our voices_

_so take a chance, come help me sing this_

_I wanna sing, I wanna shout_

_I wanna scream till the words dry out_

_so put it in all of the papers,_

_i'm not afraid_

_they can read all about it_

_read all about it."_

 

Drawing out the note, Harry stopped singing and let the last of the lyrics hang suspended in the air.

 

__________

 

Louis couldn't keep his sobs quiet any longer. As the audience clapped for Harry and he was escorted off of the set, Louis cried his heart out, wishing that he could've been there with Harry. He should've gone with him, supported his decision to come out. I guess the saying is true, hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

 

Liam was the first to put everything together, all of the pieces of the puzzle that had been scattered around between them. Soon, Louis was full out sobbing in the arms of his three best friends. He didn't really care that he looked like a right mess, that his hair was skewed, his face a mess of tears and snot. He was overwhelmed by his emotions, drowning in regret, sadness, admiration, and love for both his actions and Harry. With shaky hands, the Doncaster lad reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone.

 

_I'm sorry I wasn’t there - L_

 

**We could've done it together , I needed you by my side. - H**


End file.
